God chose this past week to really work on my heart. We had been visiting different ministries for a few days, and then the trip to Roatan was 14 hours. I was exhausted. This week was my breaking point. The weight of everything we had seen and done throughout the past 5 weeks just came crashing in on me. I was all of a sudden just spent. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, God used this week of travel to show me just how much I need him.
We always talk about needing The Lord. "God, give me strength for this or that" or "Lord, just get me through this", as if somehow after this particular day or week or trial we will be okay on our own again. God showed me this week that we don't just need Him to pour into us so that we can pour out in ministry, either. We need him acting in our lives for us to be able to *be*. We sing "there's no me without You", but this week God really started to show me what that meant.
I had gotten so caught up in what we were doing here that I had started neglecting my time with The Lord in prayer and in his Word. I found myself really restless and short tempered with myself and others and just not able to be at peace, even though I was on a real bed on a tropical island in silence, I just could not find peace. I started just praying and crying out to God for peace, to fill my soul again. The Lord brought all of these scriptures together in my mind: that nothing is of worth without love (1Corinthians 13:1-3), love is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22), and that if one does not abide in the Vine, they cannot bear fruit (John 15:5).
All these things that I was missing, that I felt this desperate lack of in my soul, peace, love for myself and others, patience, they are all fruits of the Spirit. Everything that I was wanting and desperately needing to feel, that I felt like I had lost, this scripture was the answer to all of it. I didn't need more peace, I needed more of the Prince of Peace. You can't expect to bear fruit apart from the Vine.
