Desires Hidden in a Window

Over the past week God revealed to me that He wants to cultivate me into a prayer warrior. He was calling me out to be more bold and confident in my prayer life. A prayer warrior? Really God? Me? In my head I began to list off all the reasons why this couldn’t be for me. I am practically TERRIFIED of public speaking and just speaking out in front of groups larger than three or four. I am also prone to a disease I like to call “word vomiting” (aka rambling like an idiot due to panicking). Also over the last few years I have been wrestling with hearing the voice of God. I constantly question wether it is actually a word from the Lord or something I just made up in my head. How could He expect me to be a prayer warrior if I couldn’t even hear Him speak to me? I had never felt like He has actually spoken to me directly…. Well, that is until a few nights ago.

One night during our team time we did an activity which involved listening to the voice of God. With worship music playing, we all stood in a circle with eyes closed. Our leader told us she was going to set a person in the middle and we were all to ask the Holy Spirit to give us a word, image, verse etc. for them. Before we even began God immediately brought to mind the window.

Two years ago in my small group at school we did a similar activity about listening to God’s voice. Except you didn’t verbally tell people the word God gave you instead you wrote it out on their designated piece of paper. This word was written on mine: “I saw a window and it was covered with a lot of dirt and stuff and you kept trying to look out the window, but it was too dirty. But then this hand just reached down and wiped the window clean. As soon as you could see through the window you were filled with such joy.” At that point in my life I had a lot of dirt in my life and I knew it was a beckon from God to rid myself of it, but I set the thought aside and took no action.

This scene immediately came back to memory as Sierra (my leader) continued to explain the activity we were doing. Right then I started to pray desperately that God would tell someone to tell me that they saw a window. I wanted to hear His voice clearly and blatantly. I wanted to hear Him speak to me.

Sierra gently pushed me into the center of the circle and my teammates began to speak over me. I received many phrases and images, but none of them were about a window. When my turn was over I stepped back in frustration with God. Why wouldn’t He speak to me and answer my cry? I began to press into the Holy Spirit and asked that He would give me words for the others, and we continued through the activity. He began to reveal them to me, and I spoke them over my teammates.

We finished doing everyone in the group when Sierra told us we needed to do one more. We didn’t know who it was for, but we pressed in. A few people shared some words and then I heard some say it. “A window”. I dropped to the floor. I was filled with an immediate joy and thankfulness. He answered and spoke directly to me. That word was for me from my Father. He spoke so many things to me in that moment: “I always hear you, Laura. I speak to you, but you must learn to hear me. I have wiped the dirt off your window and it is clean. I bore your shame on the cross. Look at an embrace the joy I have given you and walk in freedom.”

When journaling about the experience I realized that a desire of my heart was filled that night. Psalms 37:4 says: “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” My Father knew that I had been craving hearing a direct word from Him for so long. That night He was faithful in fulfilling that desire of my heart. God has wiped my window clean and I can see clearly. I serve a God who is personal, faithful to His promises, and who speaks to me.

The girl who spoke “a window” that night had no idea how that would impact me, but she was obedient to God’s voice. No one could have possibly known about the window but my Heavenly Father. Now every time I see a window I am reminded of my good good Father who hears every prayer and who answers the desires of our hearts.