I believe you’ve been led to this blog post for a reason, so before we go any further, I must first say this: THERE IS HOPE.
I remember it hitting me like a ton of bricks. I was sitting at my brother’s baseball game, chatting with my sister about all things life, when with deep look in her eyes, revelation came, “I think I am depressed.”
Tears came like the rush out of the gutters into barrels after a strong Honduran afternoon rain, and I spend the next thirty-six hours weeping, a combination of:
Sadness: why did life seem so hard right now?
Relief: Well, at least now I can name what has been off.
Shame: I love Jesus; I am a worship leader. “The joy of the Lord is my strength,” right? I can’t be depressed.
Confusion: Where do I do now?
Weariness: I’m just so tired and don’t have much fight left.
Conversation after conversation with those in my inner circle led to confessions such as, “I’ve wrestled with this on and off for years,” “I don’t know how I feel about taking medication,” and even, “Sometimes I find myself day-dreaming about crashing my car.”
I needed help, I yearned for hope, and as much as my head knew what God’s Word says, my heart sure didn’t.
I tried all the “right things.” I even made a Pinterest board to help organize all my great ideas.
I ate healthy. I exercised more. I slept regularly. I took supplements. I went tanning. I drank more water and less coffee. I journaled. I read my bible. I prayed. I worshiped. I spoke the Word over myself. I fasted. I listened to podcasts. I asked for others to pray. I let others speak into my life. I took a mini vacation. I got a massage. I went to the chiropractor. I began therapy. I ended a relationship. I met with a doctor to talk about treatment.
I did absolutely everything I knew to do to fight for myself. I wanted it for myself.
It wasn’t long before I realized:
My works weren’t working.
I have no black and white solution. Trust me, I wish I did!
I’m free now, Praise Jesus!
My process? I quit my job in order to get healthy this summer and ended up with last minute orders from The Lord to lead to Honduras. (Although I wouldn’t say quitting your job and fleeing to another country is the solution for all…)
While here, I’ve had moments of utter freedom & moments when I feel the little demon try to hop on my back again.
I don’t know how He’ll free and deliver you or how long it will take, but
I know He will.
Can I just say, though? CHURCH, we need to talk about it.
Many in the body are hiding in depression because of shame & many unbelievers need the hope of Jesus now more than ever.
Depression is not our inheritance; I refuse to let us walk in it any longer. However, we also must be a place of safety and healing for sons and daughters who need a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.
Stop sweeping it under the rug.
There is hope in the light; He will rescue and deliver you.
