"She is clothed with strength and dignity, she laughs without fear of the future. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue… Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears The Lord is to be praised."
Proverbs 31:25-26, 30
I have never been one to call myself graceful. I am probably the opposite of graceful, especially physically. I can't catch a frisbe or hop a fence, and I certainly am lacking in typical dance skills. I sound like a mouse on the phone yet it is common for me to make noises like a pregnant whale during the average tasks. I tend to speak before I think, I am not very observant, and often I feel foolish or immature for the ways I've acted. Graceful, dignified and wise are words that really haven't applied to me.
But this week I was thinking about what changes and truths I have found in myself. My team participates in "feedback" where we give encouragement, gratitude and constructive comments in order to build each other up in Christ. From my teammates I have received feedback saying that they loved how selfless I was, that I was teachable and received correction well, that my feedback to others was always life-bringing and thoughtful, that they sensed a strong and confident spirit into me.
Even yesterday in the car my friend Sam told me that it would be a good idea for me to pray about having the gift of prophecy; he had noticed that I often spoke about images I had in my head of what people were doing in the future or how God viewed them. I have never, ever thought about prophecy as something I could, or would, do. All these things my teammates spoke about I never saw in myself before, but realized they were true when brought to light.
This past week we took three of our boys to the dentist; Anderson, my precious little terror, was included. He had never been to the dentist before; as a result he had to get two teeth extracted. It was pretty traumatizing for an 8 year old. On the way back in the car he slowly began to cry; the combination of pain mixed with the blood and spit coming out of his mouth in stop-and-start exhaust filled Honduran traffic was too much for him. I sat with him on my lap till we got to the grocery store, holding the gauze pads that were soaked in his saliva and blood. At the store we bought a roll of paper towel that I tore pieces off for him to bite on to stop the bleeding. I carried him around the store on my back, his tears, snot, and spit dripping on the back of my shirt. Yesterday morning Sam thanked me for what I did. He said " I don't know what would have happened if you weren't there. I'm so thankful you came to the dentist with us. None of the guys could have comforted Anderson like that. You were so patient and took complete control of the situation."
I have learned that I do have grace and wisdom. It is in my actions toward others that it comes through, in sitting on the dirty beds in La Kennedy to teach English, in giving up my pencils and sharpener to Francisco who loves to draw but has no materials, in taking charge of a crying child who hasn't had the love of a mother for months.
This is such a beautiful thing for me to know about myself. I feel so full of God and more worthy to serve here. I am strong. I have grace in The Lord. I am wise. I am a Proverbs 31 Woman.
